Thursday, June 01, 2006

Shiny happy people posting blogs.

Dear Internet and bothersome people,

I am setting the record thoroughly and unequivocally straight as the proverbial arrow as to why certain people have many pictures of me on their blog. No, there is nothing remotely there between me and Claire but air itself (is that poetic alliteration?).

What began as an amusing interlude into my otherwise unglamorous social life, other people’s opinion of what happens in this fair household of ours is starting to irk and encroach. Rather than bow to pressure and stop posting photos of the lovely members Alpha Geek HQ and our antics, I thought I’d say my peace and continue as before. Why am I even bothering you ask? Well I too like to take care of the petty-minded, little people of this world.

Those of you who have malformed and misinterpreted notions of the personal dynamics in Alpha Geek HQ really need to stop reading quite so much into blogs. They are frivolous things created to amuse and distract people from their mundane lives. It is obvious that we have done our jobs too well as too many people are troubling me as to what is “the go” with Claire and I.

Why are you worrying your precious, insignificant, short lives, speculating whether the two of us are circling each other like endangered pandas on heat, (yes I have used this analogy before)? Why don’t you speculate instead on how you can move on from your staid and wholly uninteresting lives that forces you to be intrigued by the happenings of others?

If you stay here for too long, before you know it you’ll be driving an early model, beige Volvo in some housing estate on the suburban fringe of a non capital city, heating frozen meals for your cheating spouses (who only do so as a means spicing up your utterly mediocre relationships), hoping to win lotto as a means of escaping the drudgery that has become your existence. Apologies to those who have not formed such impertinent opinions of me and who

a) drive a beige Volvo (boxy and safe, but won’t get you laid),

b) live in a housing estate on the fringe of a non-capital city (Nothing wrong with the ‘Gong!)

c) have a cheating spouse (I’m sure some part of them still loves you)


d) wish to win lotto (take a number and get in line)

Why be concerned about us, be concerned about YOU! All is not lost, you too can lead exciting and meaningful lives worthy of being posted on someone’s idle blog. Do something irrational that gets people to laugh at you is a good start. And it’s not as if I’m the only other member of Alpha Geek HQ. There is also Sam who is somewhat more demure (only slightly) than I and is not repeatedly prone to daft antics that would gain her sufficient notoriety to be posted with such frequency (more often than not, she’s the one to lure me into such traps that end with Claire's photographic evidence and me stunned like a deer in headlights).

And before you ask, yes I do enjoy using my diverse command of the English lexicon to castigate and disparage people into feeling a little worse about themselves

‘Nuff said, peace out, someone else’s problem… maybe yours? Bookmark this link should you ever forget what I have said and slip back to your old habits


So get on with it.

The "tongue-in-cheek" Hashinator


frink said...

You've been in academia too long.. Or maybe I've been out for too long. I need an abstract for this entry..
Me fail english? That's unpossible!

claire debats said...

bam! you tell 'em hashmiester!